i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
