don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
