You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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