he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The uberlube is also flammable
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
