Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
