I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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