Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
