My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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