Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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