yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
