Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
