we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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