yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
