we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize