just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
