so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think i have two assholes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
