The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know her cup size but not her name....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize