Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
