I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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