Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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