i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize