bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
