what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
