the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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