i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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