Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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