i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
