Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
