my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize