when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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