Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
