At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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