Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize