did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
