turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
