so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
