I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
