Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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