it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
