You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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