So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
