I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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