Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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