is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
