i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
