Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
