i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
