...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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