if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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