The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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