I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize