I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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