Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
