Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
