I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
