Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
