Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
