I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
