i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize