Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
