He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
