is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
