what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
