Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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