He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
