I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As shirtless as possible
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
and you fell through a lawn chair
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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