if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
