Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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