Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
