i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
