we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
