I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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