I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
