yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
