ugly people sure do ruin things
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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