At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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