what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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