She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
