You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
