Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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