the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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