Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
