haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
