Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
