I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
