we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize