Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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