im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
